Beyond Love

Over Christmas, we watched the movie, “Love, Actually” (again). And I wondered, what is it about a love story that we find so compelling? If the success of the Hallmark Channel is any indication, happy endings are a big industry. All that yearning, heartbreak, attraction, more heartbreak, followed by the big kiss at the end– it strikes a chord.

Consider the story of how my sister and her husband met. Their thirty-fifth high school reunion in Irmo, South Carolina, was coming up. Because Meg was on the planning committee, she was often commenting in the class Facebook group. Tommy remembered her from high school, noticed she had moved back to Irmo, and was using her maiden name again. A little snooping revealed that they had mutual friends, and those friends assured Tommy that Meg was not seeing anyone. Looking forward to the reunion, Tommy was hoping for a chance to speak to her, perhaps she would remember him and be interested in going out.

On the big night, Tommy arrived early and positioned himself beside his white Mustang convertible, watching for Meg. Here she came, running toward him, blond hair streaming, laughing, arms open wide… and she blew right past him to hug a girlfriend. On to Plan B, thinks Tommy.

The reunion was held at a marina on Lake Murray and as part of the festivities, class members who owned boats were scheduled to take groups for sunset cruises on the lake. As the classmates gathered, Tommy made a point to join a circle of mutual friends that my outgoing sister would be certain to visit as she breezed around the room. Sure enough, he got his opportunity to speak to her, and yes, she remembered him. Boldly, he offered to save her a seat on his Scarab speedboat.

When the cruising hour arrived, one by one the boats filled up and pulled away from the dock, until only Tommy remained, jet engine idling, watching for Meg. His other passengers began grumbling about being left behind by the other boats. Disappointed, he eased the boat into the channel, still watching for her. At the last second, he spotted her, running down the dock, yelling for him to wait for her.

As the evening wound down, Meg sought Tommy out to invite him over to her house, where a few classmates were gathering after the reunion. Because Tommy had to get his boat out of the water and take it home, it was after midnight when he arrived at Meg’s. Uncertain whether he’d still be welcome, he approached the front door hesitantly, only to hear her voice from inside say, “Where’s Tommy? I thought he was coming by.”

When Tommy told me that story, he chuckled and said, “I knew in that moment that I was in.” They talked all that night and married the next year. I recently asked Meg, “What’s your favorite thing about being married to Tommy?”

She answered with one word, “Peace.”

I knew exactly what she meant, because isn’t that what we’re all looking for in a love story? We desire to find that moment when we know we’re in; we’re accepted. And we want to believe in all those moments beyond the happy ending, when we find the thing we’ve always instinctively known we needed: peace.

If we walk this earth long enough, most of us will carry the trauma of life’s hard knocks in our very molecules. Perhaps the redemptive nature of a romantic story is what resonates with us. We see a character find a path out of heartbreak, and our hearts cry, “Yes! There’s hope beyond pain!”

A couple of years after the trauma of divorce, my daughter, Carrie Wren, confided, “I’m sort of pre-dating someone.”

While the wording of that revelation still makes me chuckle, now, eight years later, I asked her, “What’s the best thing about your relationship with your guy?”

“Stability,” she answered. “Consistency. Knowing where I stand with him gives me the security to be myself.”

Again, the beauty of a love story goes beyond The Big Kiss; it’s about living the story that fits you.

Sometimes I’m asked how my husband of fifty years and I met. It happened while I was in high school, on a Saturday night when, thankfully, I had no plans. The telephone rang. A girl I knew from school but was not particularly close to asked whether she and a couple of guys could come over. It seems Clyde (now my husband) had been conscripted to chauffeur his buddy so he could date my classmate. His buddy was temporarily unable to drive due to a medical condition.

The night before, the couple had set Clyde up with a blind date. Let’s just say that when he went to pick the girl up, he thought the woman who came to the door was the Mama, but it was his date– false teeth and all. Saturday night, he told my classmate to get her yearbook out; he wanted to pick out his own date, thank you very much. Our yearbook photographer had snapped a photo of me walking down the school hallway toting my books, and that picture caught Clyde’s eye.

When asked by our daughter what he liked best about being married to me, Clyde answered with a simple truth that stunned me to tears. I thought, ‘This man really does get me!’

Isn’t that what we’re looking for in any relationship? Our desire is to be seen and known, accepted and understood. Whether we find it in friendship, family, or our own love story, it’s what every person deserves.