I am so frustrated with people. Every time I put my trust in someone, they let me down. Can anyone be trusted anymore? Should I give up on trusting people altogether?
– Thanks, Anonymous
Blake Johnson
Blake’s Take
Dear anonymous,
It’s true! In a world of so much deception, it’s getting harder and harder to find truth in anything. Honesty seems to be a lost commodity. People are no longer loyal to the values of truth and are consumed with self-righteousness. Have we forgotten that trust is a foundational element to building quality relationships? Maybe that’s it. Maybe we are becoming comfortable as self-promoters and no longer rely on support from others. Although I don’t think we are completely there yet, it’s easy to envision the future this way as more and more depend solely on social media for communication. Trust could very well fade into the past along with other social morals and values if we are not careful.
What is trust? According to Merriam-Webster, trust is the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone. We rely on trust to reinforce and develop a sense of security with one another. Relationships bonded in trust are beautiful because they can provide comfort and peace of mind, and boost confidence. Unfortunately, as you are experiencing, we often experience letdowns in search of it. As you mention, this leads to frustration and a willingness to give up on trusting people altogether.
To answer your first question: yes, there are people who can still be trusted. People have different morals and values, and while some may not see the importance of honesty, I believe many still hold it in high regard. When you meet new people, talk about your morals and values. Let them know you have trust issues and you value honesty. Until you know you have someone you can trust, keep your heart and secrets heavily guarded. Only let down your guard when trust is proven. It really all boils down to learning who and when to trust. It can be a daunting and long process, but trust me, it’s worth it when you find people to share life experiences with.
As an answer to your second question: no, you should never give up on trusting in people. Yes, it is downright frustrating and hurtful when someone deceives you. It will make you feel like shutting down and never opening up again. It will seem easier to evade relationships altogether just to avoid the possibility of betrayal. The problem with evading relationships is that without them, you also escape any joy and happiness that they may bring. As so eloquently stated by Lord Tennyson (1850), “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” This is so true! When you reflect on memories and past relationships, it’s usually the good times that find their way to the surface. Our mind automatically suppresses painful experiences, so let it do the work and don’t dwell on those who let you down. Continue to have hope in your search for good and wholesome trustworthy people.
Does this mean that you should keep and remain vested in all relationships? Absolutely not. You should learn to weigh them and sort them out accordingly. In some cases, it is okay to forgive and rebuild. Some relationships may even become stronger after trust has been tested. However, you should always walk away from those who repeatedly disregard your trust and cause you pain. Exposing them is God’s way of revealing who to leave behind.
Here are a couple of tips that have always helped me weed out toxic people. First, be aware of those who lie about everything. It’s only a matter of time before they are lying to you or spreading lies about you. Next, if someone continually comes to you with other people’s struggles and secrets, rest assured that when you are not around they are telling others the exact same things about you. Gossipers gossip about everyone including those closest to them. Stay away from these people or at all costs.
Continuing your search for relationships is worth it. Just be cautious and look for the values you find important in others. As for the rest of society, I think we all could use some breaks from social media to hone our real relationship skills. It’s sad to watch them go to waste behind cell phones, tablets, and computer screens. Anyway, that’s my take. I hope this helps and restores a little of your faith in people.
Sincerely,
