I have been retired for several years. I have been eagerly awaiting the day that my husband will retire because our goal was to do some traveling and enjoy some adventure together. Well, he recently retired and is totally content sitting at home. I realize we are not getting any younger and would like to see some things before we are too old. How should I approach this matter?
– Thanks, Anonymous
Blake Johnson
Blake’s Take
Most of our lives are spent preparing for different stages – starting school, different grades, becoming drivers, graduating, possible college, careers, marriage, starting families, and buying homes, yet I feel like little time is spent preparing for retirement. I’m not talking about financially. Many of us have some sort of financial retirement plan in place like a 401(k) or IRA, but how many of us plan our activities and form true intentions for retirement?
After mulling over your question for a few days, it dawned on me that even I haven’t put a lot of thought into what retirement would look like. My wife and I are constantly uttering out fantasies like moving to the beach, moving to the mountains, buying an RV, or finding a retirement village in Florida with all the amenities so we never have to leave, but all of this is hypothetical. We have never sat down and had a serious conversation about what each of us would like to do or accomplish after retirement. I feel like this may be common among couples.
For me, I guess the lack of planning stems from the thought of retirement seeming so far out of reach. I know it will be here before I know it, but it is still hard to visualize. Maybe deep down many of us think we will never reach that landmark, but according to statistics, most of us will. In 2020 the US Census Bureau reported that one in six people was over the age of 65. That means one out of every six people were eligible retirees just at that one moment in time. The chances of making it to retirement increase over time, so we should all seriously consider making plans and try to envision how we want to spend our golden years.
As for you and your husband, it seems like you have done that. You have discussed life after retirement and set tangible goals, but he is, for whatever reason, reluctant. There is likely one of three things going on– either he never really wanted to travel, he has changed his mind, or he is just taking a pause before starting something new. If your husband does not want to travel perhaps, he thought you were just daydreaming together like my wife, and I do. To a fault, I admit, we husbands tend to say what our wives want to hear without much commitment. If he has changed his mind, there could be numerous reasons. He may be enjoying the home life, found new goals, or even miss the structure of having a career. If it’s just a pause, maybe he is reflecting and will be ready to change gears at any moment.
Regardless of what is going on, good conversation should reveal the answer. If your husband just needed to pause for a moment and let retirement sink in, I’m sure you both will be on the road soon. If he has changed his mind or never really meant to travel, tell him how much it means to you and how much you have been looking forward to this new life together. If your marriage made it to the retirement years, your husband recognizes the importance of compromise. If he still can’t commit, you can always look to friends or relatives to find a travel companion. My grandmother traveled for many years after retirement with her friend Bonnie and I don’t think my grandfather left the house once.
Hopefully your husband is not like my grandfather, and when you talk, it will remind him of your shared dream to travel. He may be just waiting on you to kickstart the plan into motion. Either way, I feel like your new chapter full of adventure and travel is waiting just ahead. Congratulations on your retirement and best wishes for your future,
