Lately I have been overwhelmed with all the demands and expectations placed upon me by family, friends, and work. I enjoy helping and don’t mind the responsibilities, but I feel like I have no time to take care of myself. How do I set boundaries and make time for myself without feeling guilty or selfish? Any advice is greatly appreciated.
– Sincerely, Feeling Stretched Thin
Blake Johnson
Blake’s Take
Dear Feeling Stretched Thin,
After reading your concern, I get the sense that you may be somewhat of what I refer to as a “yes person.” A yes person is someone who says yes to every favor that is asked of them. A yes person takes little, if any, time for themselves and is often unable to meet the demands of their commitments. If you feel like you fit this description, learning to say no to some requests might help you find the time you need for yourself.
I know it can feel good and even seem honorable to say yes all the time, but if you don’t have extra time, or for whatever reason are unable to commit, you must learn to say no. If you know you are unavailable or unable to meet the expectations of others, it’s okay to say no. If you are uncertain, it’s okay to say maybe. In fact, people would rather hear one of these responses than an empty promise. I have learned that even if I am confident in my ability to commit, it is better to say, “I’ll do my best.” This way, an unforeseen circumstance will not cause me to break my word and seem unreliable.
If you are not a yes person but just someone who has acquired too much responsibility, you still need to find time for yourself. You and the ones who depend on you can be negatively affected when you are overwhelmed. You owe it to yourself and them to put your well-being first. This is not being selfish, it’s personal maintenance. Personal maintenance is necessary to maintain good mental and physical health.
I suggest carving out a little time for yourself each day. Make a habit of putting everything else aside for just a few minutes. Exercise, hobbies, and meditation are great ways to decompress and self-reflect. It doesn’t have to be a specific activity, but it should be time you dedicate to yourself with no distractions. If you feel like it is impossible to find any extra time in the day, focus on yourself and your needs during a lunch break, a ride home from work, or before you go to sleep at night. Turn something that you are already doing into “you time.” Anytime you can find to distance yourself from your daily demands will be helpful.
To be an optimal family member, friend, and worker, you need to be the best version of yourself. Think of the time you use for yourself as the groundwork for improving your other roles. A change in perspective may be all you need to set boundaries and keep yourself from feeling guilty. Everyone around you is better off when you are functioning at your best. Find the time to decompress, self-reflect, and preserve your well-being. Be better for yourself and those who depend on you.
I hope this will help you find a way for you to meet the expectations placed on you by others as well as yourself. You deserve time for yourself.
Blessings,
