I am an eighty two year old woman with a husband of nearly sixty years. My husband has always been strong and independent, but lately even walking across the room leaves him exhausted. It breaks my heart to watch him become weaker by the day. I try to stay cheerful for his sake, but inside I feel scared, sad, and helpless. How do I stay strong for him without falling apart myself.
— Thanks,
Lost Without Him
Blake Johnson
Blake’s Take
Dear Lost Without Him,
Thank you for writing and for sharing something so personal and heartfelt. It is incredibly inspiring to hear of a marriage that has stood firm for nearly sixty years. In a world where difficulties often overshadow moments of peace, your loyalty and commitment shine. Society has grown quick to abandon things when they become difficult, and sadly marriage is no exception. Yet you have stayed the course for decades, and that alone is a profound testimony of love and devotion.
Your letter brought to mind my own grandparents. Years ago, they faced something similar when my grandfather began showing signs of dementia. Over time his health declined in both body and mind. Through every stage of that journey my grandmother displayed unwavering strength, patience, and love. Others helped of course, but she insisted on being physically present in every step of his care. Even while battling her own health issues she tended to him, kept up their home, and carried burdens far heavier than she ever let on. Her faithfulness remains one of the greatest acts of love I have ever witnessed. And even in their hardest moments there were still glimpses of joy, laughter, and connection.
I can also relate from a husband’s perspective. Before an accident left me paralyzed from the chest down, I was strong, active, and fiercely independent. I took pride in contributing and in being the protector of my family. For men like your husband and like I once was, independence becomes part of our identity. Losing it feels impossible to accept. We fight it, deny it, grieve it, and yes even fear it. If I could speak on your husband’s behalf, I would ask you to offer patience and grace during the times when he seems frustrated or distant. When a man loses the ability to do the things he once did with ease, the battle inside can spill out in ways we do not intend. It is not personal. It is not a lack of love. It is simply the weight of change.
My wife and I have been dealt a difficult hand, yet we still find ways to laugh and enjoy life. Sometimes joy comes from the smallest moments, but those little moments are often the ones that keep you going.
As for how you stay strong, I believe there is something deeply placed within the heart of a woman that rises when someone she loves is hurting. It is a strength that comes from devotion, compassion, and a desire to protect those closest to her. Your words reminded me of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs chapter thirty one. Scripture says that such a woman is far more valuable than worldly riches. She provides for her husband, her children, her household, and even those in need. Her work is honored by God Himself. Verse twenty-five says, “Strength and honour are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.” Those who faithfully care for others will be strengthened in return, and I see this in my own wife every single day. Her strength fuels mine. On his difficult days your husband will lean on you. On his better days you must allow yourself to lean on him.
When fear or sadness begin to overwhelm you, remind yourself of the life you two have built. You have weathered sixty years of life’s storms side by side. I have no doubt that you will continue to persevere. Hold fast to the good moments and remember that you will rejoice in time to come.
May God bless you and your husband with peace, comfort, and strength in the days ahead.
Sincerely,
