Have you ever noticed people around you suddenly exhibiting vile characteristics? I’ve recently started feeling this way about some of my longtime friends. I’m not sure if I am changing, they are changing, or just the culture around us is changing. Regardless, I want to know if you think it’s worth holding on to long-time friendships even if their interests and behaviors become repulsive.
— Thanks,
Anonymous
Blake Johnson
Blake’s Take
Great question! I have experienced this and I feel like most of us face all these changes at different phases across the lifespan. I feel like we add and prune relationships based on support for those changes which make long-term relationships rare. I think we naturally become closer to those who are like-minded and distant from those who are not.
I can remember feeling like I had hundreds of friends by the time I reached middle school. Although many were just acquaintances they felt like more because we shared so many common interests. We were all the same age, we all had the same classes, we were all into the same fads, and a lot of us participated in the same activities. This feeling seemed to last through high school but the day I graduated something changed. Entering the workforce, I no longer saw the same people every day, I worked with people of different ages, and the people around me no longer shared the same interests and activities. The transition forced me to reevaluate what is important to me and in the process revealed who I wanted to spend time with. Time is limited and unfortunately creating our own path requires letting go of some contrasting relationships.
It seems like you may be in a transition yourself. It might be time to reflect on the things that are important to you. Focus on who you are, who you want to be, and what characteristics are important to you. These are your values. Once you understand them it’s easier to recognize beneficial and toxic relationships. Ultimately you gravitate to people with common interests but it’s also okay to have friends who differ. What you don’t want is to put time and effort into friendships that counteract the progression of who you want to be. You should never allow the negative characteristics of others to contaminate your life. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Prov 13:20). Toxic relationships are destructive.
It doesn’t really matter if friends change, you change, or your environment changes. Change is expected. What matters is how your friends affect who you are. If you’re happy with your direction and the people around you, long-term friendships are awesome. When friends start to negatively impact your life, it’s time to cut ties and move on. Quality of friendships far outweigh longevity.
When you use terms like vile and repulsive to describe long-term friends, I think you may be telling yourself that these people no longer meet your personal standards. Listen to your gut. Don’t sacrifice your values to maintain long-term friendships with people you find vile and repulsive.
I hope this helps and you’re able to maintain friendships that are wholesome and supportive of the things you’re passionate about.
Sincerely,
