I am struggling with the loss of my grandparents. They played a huge role in my life, and their absence feels heavy. Even though it has been some time, I still find myself unable to process and move past the loss. How do I deal with grief that does not seem to fade over time?
— Anonymous
Blake Johnson
Blake’s Take
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for taking the time to write and share your struggle. I am very sorry for your loss. As difficult as it is, if we live long enough, we all face losing loved ones. Though it is inevitable, it is never easy, and there is no perfect way to move through it. Some may appear to handle loss better than others, but everyone experiences pain. For most, the intensity of that pain reflects the level of attachment. The struggle is a reflection of the bond you shared.
In last month’s article, I included a summary of the stages of grief many people experience, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. People may move through these stages in different orders and may experience some stages more than once. Each experience is different. Understanding the process can help ease the transitions. The fact that you feel unable to process and move forward suggests you may not have reached acceptance. The heaviness you describe may indicate a stage of depression. Sadness is a normal part of this stage and often appears as the reality of the loss settles in. This can feel overwhelming, especially in close relationships. As mentioned, grief varies from person to person, and you may move in and out of these stages several times. However, if it begins to interfere with daily life, leads to hopelessness, or feels impossible to move through, seeking professional help is important. Therapy and, in some cases, medication can be very effective.
Many say time heals all wounds, but not all wounds are the same. Losing a loved one often leaves a space that cannot be filled. One way to move forward is to live a life that honors those who once filled that space. I often think about my own loved ones and feel a sense that they are still present in some way. That thought motivates me to become a better version of myself, one they would be proud of. Take time to reflect on your relationship with your grandparents. Since they played such an important role in your life, it is clear they would want the best for you. Consider what that version of you looks like. Set small goals and use that journey as a way to stay connected to them. When you reach those goals, imagine sharing those moments with them. In that way, they are not entirely absent.
Losing loved ones is one of the most difficult experiences we face. We can move forward, but it is not necessary to completely let go of the loss. Those relationships become part of who we are. I believe God allows us to form these bonds with the promise that we will be reunited one day. Scripture reminds us, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Hold on to that promise and continue living in a way that honors both God and those you have lost. If you need support, continue talking with others. Sharing can make a meaningful difference. And if needed, do not hesitate to seek professional guidance.
Again, I am very sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort in time.
God bless,
